BAM!

These days, I find myself groping for ways to keep myself occupied. Indeed, it was this very impulse that led to the creation of this blog in the first place. For wont of a job, I have found a suitable diversion in learning how to cook.

There are two television shows that have been especially helpful in this endeavor. The first is "Iron Chef," which is probably the best show on TV. I refer not to the hackneyed and trumped up "Iron Chef America," but the original and far more serious Japanese version. But it is rare that I find myself with 300 lbs. of lobster or caviar, so it really isn't terribly practical as a learning tool. From time to time I might learn something about an unusual kitchen gadget or obscure appliance, but mostly I just enjoy the (dubbed) running commentary and inventive dishes served up by the Iron Chefs and their seldom-victorious challengers.

The other show, of course, is "Emeril Live." Serious chefs will no doubt scoff at the notion that one could learn anything truly useful from Emeril, but for simplicity, economy of ingredients, and the laissez-faire attitude toward measurements, his style is perfect for a burgeoning bachelor chef.

Emeril's most endearing quality is his dogmatic use of key catchphrases, which I will now list here:

1. BAM!
2. Kick it up a notch!
3. Then add, like, 30 cloves of garlic
4. I don't know where you get your [foodstuffs], but where I get mine they don't come seasoned
5. When we come back, another notch!
6. It's too bad you people at home can't smell this. You should call your cable company and ask for smell-o-vision
7. Oh yeah, babe
8. Happy, happy

There are certainly others, but these eight are used without fail, and usually several times each, in every episode. There is also, of course, the playful banter between Emeril and Doc Gibbs, whose band is always at the ready to provide brief musical riffs before and after commercial breaks and even the occasional sound effect.

I have been convinced for some time that Emeril himself is several sheets to the wind during the taping of each show, and this fact was all but confirmed during a recent episode when he allowed the cameras to see the interior of the large refrigerator on the set. It was filled with about a dozen bottles of cheap white wine, several dozen cans of Coca-cola, and a case of what appeared to be Newcastle beer. Such an arsenal hardly seems necessary for Emeril's cooking; when he does use alcohol, he tends to prefer whiskey, rum, or sherry. I wouldn't be surprised if he took the occasional open swig of these spirits during Doc Gibbs' commercial-break jam sessions, to the whoops and hollers of his always approving studio audience.

As far as the cooking goes, I have reservations about Emeril's excessive use of his "essence" (a blend of Cajun spices sold in supermarkets under his name) and his self-consciously nonchalant presentation flare. He also seldom strays very far from the so-called trinity of Northern Italian cooking (celery, onion and bell pepper), which is odd considering that his specialty is nouveau Cajun cuisine. But for the casual cook, simplicity and economy are desirable. At the very least, Emeril provides a solid foundation from which more artful elaboration is welcome.

In conclusion, Emeril might not hold a candle to the proven masters of "Iron Chef," like Masaharu Morimoto, but he certainly has achieved a loyal fan base (the studio audience obediently cheers at every mention of garlic, hot spices, or liquor) and a far-reaching and unquestionable influence on our culture. Back in November, the following exchange appeared on Overheard in New York:

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

--6 Train

Earlier generations had luminaries like Martin Yan, Jacques Pepin, and the late Julia Child. Emeril Lagasse might not quite fit into this pantheon, but he is a welcome alternative to other current media darlings like Ashlee Simpson, Brigitte Nielsen, and Fitness Celebrity John Basedow.

Stay tuned for my appraisal of “Iron Chef.”