The Short, Stubby Arm of the Law

I know that yesterday I announced a new schedule for my updates, but now just twenty four hours later I am already deviating from it. This is because I received a $100 ticket for a "Distracted Driving Safety Act" (sic) at the corner of Euclid and 17th around 6:30 pm. Specifically, I was answering my cell phone while both stuck in traffic and stopped at a stop sign.

First of all, I had no idea it was illegal to use a personal communications device while driving in the District -- the law was passed in August, and I honestly didn't know about it. I know that New York and New Jersey have similar laws, which require the use of hands-free equipment, but I guess I figured that if you can still smoke in bars in DC you could probably drive and talk at the same time as well. But this is neither here nor there.

More frustrating was the circumstance -- and location -- of my offense. I routinely drive across Euclid Street on my way home, as it passes right by Halfzie's house. Yesterday we had made plans to visit the supermarket -- he was calling to see why I had not yet arrived to pick him up, when I had told him fifteen minutes earlier that I would arrive in three or four minutes.

Why was I detained for ten whole minutes, even before being pulled over? Because of the terrible traffic on Euclid, which was so bad, in fact, that I was forced to make a small detour even to make it across 16th Street. Such congestion was perplexing, but as I neared the corner of 17th I noticed two police cars and a bicycle cop partially blocking the intersection. Just as I was beginning to understand the cause of the delay, my phone rang. The caller was Halfzie, of course, who was standing exactly one block away but out of view of the situation. As I answered, the policeman was standing perhaps three feet from the driver's side window of the car.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he asked.

Thinking he might be warning of some potential danger or obstacle ahead, I answered first in the affirmative. Then I realized what was happening, but it was already too late to indicate my ignorance of the law. I was immediately pulled over, right in front of a corner store known as a meeting point for drug-pushers. Several weeks ago a man was shot nearby. On more than one occasion, I have witnessed a policeman get out of an unmarked car at that corner, wearing a bulletproof vest, immediately causing all of those standing there to scatter.

But yesterday, justice was done: I got my ticket.

I know I broke the law, and that is the end of it. However, I cannot help but complain. I consider myself to be a relatively safe and competent driver -- I never fail to signal, or to come to a full stop, I seldom exceed the speed limit by more than five or ten miles an hour, and on the whole, I manage to avoid driving like an utter and complete idiot, unlike so many other drivers out on the roads. What I did, while technically illegal, was no more dangerous than lighting a cigarette while driving, or, for heaven's sake, watching television on one of the 9 LCD screens in a Lincoln Navigator. But these things are perfectly legal. Answering a phone without a hands-free device, while stuck in traffic and stopped at a stop sign, on the other hand, constitutes a distracted driving safety act.

Don't get me started on this quaint turn of phrase. If you ask me, it's either a distracted driving act or an unsafe one; throwing the word "safety" in there makes it sound like I was doing a good deed by, say, honking at the asshole in front of me watching Barbershop 2 in his sun visor.

But I am contrite and I know how reckless and dangerous I must have appeared. I have even done my homework, reading up on cell phone driving safety at smartmotorist.com. My favorite tips:

Do not engage in distracting conversations
Stressful or emotional conversations and driving do not mix -- they are distracting and even dangerous when you are behind the wheel. Make people you are talking with aware you are driving and if necessary, suspend phone conversations which have the potential to divert your attention from the road.

Avoid long social calls
Keep conversations short and sweet. Develop ways to get free of long-winded friends and associates while on the road. Don't use the cell phone for social visiting while you drive.

I still haven't decided whether to contest the ticket, which I would do mainly to force the officer to show up in court. As I was leaving, he advised me such a course of action would be futile, and also said that if I were to resume using my phone as I pulled away, I would be issued another ticket. I might be a distracted safety driver, but I'm not an idiot.