"Listen, I've got to go eat a burger. Thank you all."

If there was any doubt as to why George W. secured a second term, look no further. Every video of him flipping the bird or muttering nonsensically at a wedding makes me think that I might actually enjoy sharing beers and burgers with the president. Could Kerry ever be so frank with his press corps?

In other weekend news, robot soldiers are on the horizon:

Are there too few soldiers to secure the farthest reaches of Iraq? Lockheed is creating robot soldiers and neural software - "intelligent agents" - to do their work. "We've now created policy options where you can elect to put a human in or you can elect to put an intelligent agent in place," Mr. Stevens said. [Tim Wiener, NYT]

Now that's exciting. (And not only because the Times reporter is named "Weiner"...)

Finally, an injury sustained while attempting a swan dive accross a parked BMW on Friday evening threatened to ruin (or at least delay) the Lions' season. (I promise that this will be the final citation of fictional sports statistics--I recognize that this information can be thrilling to few individuals other than myself.)

First, as for the injury. It seems all of that delicious wine (and soon after, the other spirits that follwed) went straight to my head. Perhaps riled up by all of this late-November football, I tried to leap over the hood of a parked car. The subsequent fall onto the pavement left me with badly bloodied palms, in a pattern not dissimilar from stigmata. Great pain, humiliation, and hangover ensued.

The Lions came into the weekend at 12-0 and, hand injuries notwithstanding, seemed ready for the playoffs. After continuing to dominate through 15 games, they lost improbably to the Titans in Tennessee in Week 17. The loss did little to slow the team down, however. As my hands began slowly to heal this afternoon, Detroit was able to defeat Green Bay and St. Louis, advancing to a Super Bowl against the Kansas City Chiefs.

Lions win, 30-0. The Lions rookie running back Kevin Jones emerged the clear MVP, compiling 108 rushing yards on 12 carries, with most of that total coming on a 73-yard touchdown run early in the third quarter. Harrington was 9-18 passing for 159 yards and one touchdown.

In their three postseason games the Lions outscored opponents 97-14 and rookie wide receiver Roy Williams caught 13 passes for 284 yards and one touchdown. Jones rushed for 384 yards on 55 carries and scored 4 touchdowns during that time. Harrington, for his part, saw backup QB Mike McMahon replace him for the first time on the year. After throwing an early interception against Green Bay, Harrington was replaced for the remainder of the first half. Though he would throw 3 touchdown passes during the postseason, he threw the same number of interceptions.

So, as much as I like it, NFL 2K5 can't really be very realistic after all.

Meanwhile (i.e. right now), WNYC's Terry Gross interviews a playful, strangely untrustworthy Paul Reubens, aka Pee-Wee Herman.

"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."